If you rely solely on external factors for self-esteem, you may lose sight of yourself when things change in life. External self-esteem, such as completing projects or being a good friend/mother/wife, is important, but when your kids leave home, you retire, get laid off or fired, or experience early widowhood, you need an internal sense of self-acceptance to get through those challenging times.

As many of you know, my daughter decided to pursue her undergraduate degree in Marine Biology in Scotland. This led to a major case of empty nesting, amplified to the max! Where is the self-help book for dealing with that situation?

Once again, I find myself charting my own course in life. I started living an international lifestyle that I wasn’t prepared for. Many of us talk about traveling when we retire, but I wasn’t ready (are we ever really ready for life’s changes?) for this whirlwind to come so soon.

I had no guidebook, no self-help book, and no clue what I was doing. I had to wing it, just like I’ve done many times before in my life. I sought therapy, spoke with a spiritual guide, and researched empty nesting. Ultimately, I decided to embrace the present moment, live in the now, and accept myself for who I am today, without relying on the title of “mother” for my self-esteem. I chose to let life unfold on its own terms and see how I would grow and self-actualize. (I had no idea what I was doing, to be honest!)

I had numerous questions and very few answers. My life turned upside down in the year that we transitioned my daughter to Scotland for her undergraduate degree, and I had to adapt quickly. I had questions like: Should I visit for an extended period or take multiple short trips? What should I do about my private practice? How would I afford my office? And most importantly, who was I if I wasn’t actively mothering?

It took me a year and a half to gain some clarity and make decisions about certain external factors (such as continuing my private practice, blogging more, and writing a second book). However, I must admit that I’m still working on the internal factors. Nevertheless, I’d like to share some questions that have helped me on my journey of self-actualization… once again!

1) What can I learn from this situation?
2) How can I grow and become a better person through this experience?
3) What opportunities does this change present to me?
4) How can I find meaning and purpose in the midst of this challenge?

Stay tuned for some life lessons that can be applied anytime and anywhere in your life journey! Let me know your thoughts?