3 Key Truths About a Need for Control (Part 3 of 5)

Understanding the reasons other people have, that cause them to feel they must control other people is a great step in either learning how to let go of control or not to be controlled. It also helps us to put in boundaries with others who seem to have a need to control our lives. There is no reason anyone has to control others. We do play a part in letting others control us and we have reasons for why we try to control others. The truth is, we cannot control others anymore than they can control us but psychologically speaking, if we don’t understand how control works against us, we are at a deficit. Information & knowledge is power. Take back your own power!

Here are Part 1 on Control and Part 2 on Control, of this series, if you missed them.

3 Key Truths About Control

1) We try to control things because of what we think will happen if we don’t. We catastrophise the worse possible outcome and feel that if we can control others and the outcome then we will feel better. Anxiety and worry are a false sense of control that we participate in so that we will feel better. That is a key reason why we try to control others: to feel better or to avoid uncomfortable feelings in ourselves. That is also a key reason why others try to control us.

2) Control is also a result of being attached to a specific outcome we’re sure is best for us, as if we always know what’s best; we don’t. In fact many times when bad things happen, better things happen afterwards that we couldn’t even have begun to imagine.

3) The energy of surrender accomplishes much more than the energy of control. When we let go and let a Higher Power take over, we acknowledge that we are not in control of others.

Controlling behavior is destructive to relationships, intimacy and connection in general. It is toxic when it comes into our lives and toxic when we try to manipulate or control others or factors in our lives that we really cannot control. It can even reach the point of being lethal in cases where extreme control is exerted. It is not something to be ignored or tolerated, though this is all-too-often the case, especially in relationships we feel are important to us.

If you feel that you are in a controlling/abusive relationship, there is help! Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at CALL 24/7/365 days per year-1-800-799-7233 or visit http://www.thehotline.org/about-us/contact/