Codependency has been thrown around in the self-help / psychology field for years. Because it is so prevalent and I myself am a recovering “Codependent”, I wanted to do a series that really put the meat of this “thinking problem” out there in the open. If you know me, then you also know that I am all about the “what/how to do part” of making concrete changes in your life, so in this 5 part series I will be defining some of the thinking problems and also talk about some of the solutions!
This 5 part series will cover the thinking errors of the following:
Denial
Low Self-Esteem
Compliance
Control
Avoidance
Let’s start with how we live in denial and how that is a thinking error. The dictionary defines denial as: (1) : refusal to admit the truth or reality. That is a tough one because in essence it is a lie that you tell yourself therefore making it your “truth”.
Denial Patterns: Codependents often. . .
• have difficulty identifying what they are feeling.
• minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel.
• perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
• can lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
• label others with their own negative traits.
• think they can take care of themselves without any help from others.
• mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
• express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.
• do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom they are attracted.
Things that you can do to get out of denial:
• Talk to an objective 3rd party and be willing to hear feedback
• Go to coda meetings. They are free and all over town. Call 1-888-444-2359 or www.coda.org
• Think back on what your trusted friends or family have said in the past and see if there is a theme that you might need to truly look at.
• Make a list of things that are a problem in your life or that you complain about and see if you can identify any underlying connections or truths about the patterns.
(Taken from Codependent brochure Copyright 1989, Revised 2012) For more information or to find a free meeting call 1-888-444-2359 or www.coda.org.
Remember that we all have character traits and behaviors that are things we don’t want to admit but that those actions and thoughts are not the essence of who we are deep down, they are just bad habits and the great new is that habits can be changed!
I would be happy to help you on your journey in life. If you would like to work on codependency, give me a call today at my San Diego office to see if the coaching counseling approach I use in therapy is a fit for you. 619-687-9013